Rating:
Ask yourself right now: do you care what pet Rainbow Dash
has? And more questions. Did you realize that all of the mane six have
pets, even though the most visible (Opalescence, Angel) barely qualify as
consequential? Have you forgotten that
Rainbow Dash “chose” hers through a long and ultimately pointless competition? Or that it was preceded by a song that lasted
almost an entire act? Anyone wondering why
a “fun” episode like May The Best Pet Win! deserves such a low rating need only
consider these queries. Not that it
doesn’t also have filler, but Best Pet is basically one long string of “who
cares?” and “did that really just happen?”
Feeling left out since she’s the only one of her friends without a pet,
Rainbow Dash decides to find one who’s as fast and awesome as her. Then after doing so in a contest, she settles
on the exact opposite. Charlotte
Fullerton does find some funny moments involving the butterfly, but everything
else is head-shakingly bad. And a
“surprise” ending is needlessly telegraphed early on with the tortoise’s
introduction, since there’s literally no other reason for him to be there. So Fullerton’s penultimate offering manages
to be confounding, unnecessary, and predictable, while also embarrassing its
main character. Let me add “how did
Fullerton last long enough to make another episode” to the list.
For some reason, Dash has been kicked out of Cloudsdale and
is crashing on a tree just outside Ponyville.
Her dreams are filled with pets because the mane six’s Pony Pet Playdate
is about to happen, and at least a couple of them are making noise. This event happens “every week” (right), but
Dash isn’t invited because she doesn’t have a pet. Seeing the logic, Dash agrees that there’s no
reason for her to join in, so the mane six begin the event while Rainbow goes
back to her nap. The end.
I wish. Fullerton
decided the rest of the act was better served with a song about Rainbow Dash
wanting a pet that’s basically her.
Fluttershy says she understands this and trots out whatever animals she
pleases in complete ignorance of Dash’s wishes.
None of it needs to be sung, and nothing much happens despite the
narrative lyrics. The song lasts over 3½
minutes, which is practically an eternity of filler for such short
episodes. Obviously it’s meant as
fanservice since there hadn’t been a song in a while or something, but wasting
so much time on something so unmemorable completely destroys Best Pet’s
credibility.
Act two’s contest features various tests of speed and
agility, and most of the candidates are birds or other flying animals. Then Fluttershy introduces a turtle to the
proceedings out of nowhere. As per Chekov’s
gun, she only does this because the tortoise is going to win. Since it occurs eight minutes into the
episode, the final two-thirds are a complete waste. But let’s drag it out since we have a big
season to fill. While none of the other
competitors exactly stand out, the later-christened Tank finishes in dead last
every time. But who’s counting I guess.
For the final event which will decide who becomes a
semi-regular, Dash whittles the field down to four finalists who will compete
in one last race. And also Tank gets to
join because he wants to and fuck rules.
Dash announces she’s going to finish first being the only one with
experience flying through Ghastly Gorge, so the competitor that stays closest
with her at the end (presumably coming in second) will win. After some manufactured trials that couldn’t
really exist, Dash does something stupid and gets her wing trapped under a
rock. Since she made it clear to the
other competitors that only the winner would be her pet, they all carry on.
So of course, that dumb turtle shows up 127 hours later and
frees Dash from a rock she really should’ve been able to get out of (only a
very small portion of one wing is caught).
Then he needlessly carries Dash to the finish line, but dead last is
less than a minute after the other fliers (so either they all stopped off for
drinks or Tank can secretly run at light speed when no one’s looking). The falcon finished first and figures he won
since it was explicitly stated to be a competition, but Dash feels bad for
being so lazy. Using her loophole of
poor wording, Dash announces that despite finishing dead last in literally
every fucking event, Tank is nevertheless her new pet. What a surprise. Instead of the fast and cool pet that she
wanted, Dash is stuck with a slow nerd who couldn’t possibly survive in
Cloudsdale. But it’s okay, because Dash
is completely shallow and says so in her letter.
May The Best Pet Win! is the first (and sadly best) of two
inexplicably back-to-back aired episodes featuring Rainbow Dash as main
character, but both portray her as anything but positive. Here she decides to adopt a pet only because
all of her friends have one and you don’t understand what it’s like to be her
age. Then Dash stages a grand
competition whose results are entirely meaningless since she allows the worst participant
a place in the finals. And after all
this, a contrived accident specifically designed for a turtle to succeed in
forces Dash to choose the worst pet among much better options (the butterfly,
falcon, and bat had better moments and made more sense). So why are we supposed to like or care about
a pony who’s trolling for a reality show that only exists in her head? Sorry guys, and fuck you for thinking this
was going to be real and not based completely on my whim. “Shallow” indeed.
None of the other mane six fare better. Fluttershy is grating and exaggerated in ways
she usually isn’t. At first, her
embarrassment over Rainbow Dash not knowing of their gathering is a bit too
much, which goes the same for her absurd excitement about Dash wanting a
pet. The horrid song doesn’t help. Pinkie Pie picks this thread up at the end,
as she gleefully (and fillerly) announces Dash’s loophole provision. Because it’s completely fair to follow only
one made up rule and screw the rest. At
least the others are boring and make no impression.
So what else can be said about May The Best Pet Win! except
that it blows in just about every facet?
Rainbow Dash doesn’t need a pet since they’re barely on anyways, then
she uses a loophole to justify making the worst choice in one giant troll. Fullerton parades out a host of would-be
decent pets, then laughs because you’ll never get to see them again. Instead we get the idiot turtle, who proves
that you can get anything if you’re super annoying about it. I mean, don’t be shallow kids, because I
totally am. It’s not like I live in the
fucking clouds or something. Why else
would I want a pet that could fly? Wait,
I’m making up a new rule. That butterfly
should win instead, because he’s the only thing keeping this episode from a
worse rating. And why not? It’s more worthy than anything Tank ever
did. Considering Dash’s treatment of him
and the next episode, Tank should’ve left her to rot. Thanks for nothing.
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