Rating:
Like Sisterhooves Social, Baby Cakes definitely started with
a good heart. But oh god the results. Completely scrapping any semblance of plot,
Charlotte Fullerton chooses to portray a “realistic” day taking care of
kids. Whatever positives you imagine
this might entail have been entirely left out in favor of dirty diapers, slapstick
humor, and crying. Oh god, the
crying. Taking a cue from her head
writer, Fullerton stretches scenes through repeated dialogue or actions (see
above), and even wastes a full minute and a half by having the Cakes ask around
if the mane six will babysit when Pinkie Pie is right there. Which is how it gets worse, because Pinkie is
an absolute disaster. Not one of her
antics is remotely funny, and she displays a complete misunderstanding of
babies in a way that four-year-olds don’t.
Then these “one-month olds” start doing things fully grown ponies can’t
to inject some drama or something, which ruins the feel Fullerton was
apparently going for. Obviously raising
kids is hard work, but Baby Cakes seems to make the argument that they’re not
worth having at all. Add to it Mr.
Cake’s horrid genetics story, and Baby Cakes is one of the worst My Little Pony episodes ever
produced. Few outings can match how
completely unwatchable it is.
Pinkie Pie’s employers, the Cakes, have just given birth to
twins. Both parents are earth ponies,
but their babies are one each of the other kinds totally not because Mrs. Cake
was sleeping around (“that makes sense, right?”). These little ones are just resting in the
nursery (contrary to horses, who can walk on their first day), but anyone can
come and go without masks or anything.
Thankfully the nurse (with three “shh”s) kicks Pinkie Pie out after a
bit, because she starts her shtick early and never lets up (she gives them a
birthday cake with no candles because they’re zero years old, get it? Don’t worry, that cake ends up in her face).
The filler continues as we move a month ahead and Pinkie Pie
plays peekaboo with the twins. They’re
probably a bit young for that, but it won’t be the last time you’ll think
so. After changing their stinky diapers
(to “foreshadow” it happening again later), Mr. Cake remembers they have a
catering order to deliver which will take a full day. Needing a babysitter on short notice, they
could ask the pony who’s right there and eagerly volunteering. But no, we need to embarrass Pinkie Pie by
asking all of her friends first (she volunteers again after every one of them)
and then grudgingly giving in. Of
course, a smooth Pinkie will have to check her schedule first before committing
(she’s so hilarious! (and yes, that gets repeated too)).
Then it’s goodbye paper-thin plot. Act two features Pinkie Pie doing whatever
she thinks will entertain the Cakes, and them crying afterwards. Sure, it’s understandable from Pinkie’s
horrid stand-up act (“I couldn’t find tractors that small!” buh-dum-bum), but
they’ll also bawl just because the other one is, or whenever. Apparently the one boner-killing thing for a
male is babies crying, so you’ll have ample time to test if you don’t believe
me. Either way, we’re all genetically
programmed to find the sound extremely unignorable and to end it as soon as
possible. Would that I could just turn
the episode off and never watch it again, but I have my “responsibility” not to
do so (get ready to hear that word over and over as well).
For act three, the babies suddenly discover they’re
prodigies and start to wander around the room.
Now, Scootaloo can’t fly yet, but this one-month old can not only carry
his own weight by tiny wings, but also drag Pinkie Pie all over the house. Then Pumpkin uses her magic to pass through a
solid object (something the top alicorns have never done) and can open any
locks like they’re nothing. Sure. Somehow this turns into a mini horror movie, because
I guess these babies have discovered the power to…kill…PINKIE…PIE! Can’t imagine why they’d want to.
Finally, Pinkie gives up and starts sobbing herself. Despite instituting total anarchy, the twins
feel bad and just decide to start behaving.
Since Pinkie Pie dumping a bag of flour over her head was the only thing
that didn’t make the kids cry, they decide to do the same themselves. It’s the only decent moment in the entire
episode, but more slapstick doesn’t make up for everything that went
before. Now that the twins are taking
care of themselves, Pinkie can clean up and pretend she was an excellent
babysitter after all. The Cakes are
impressed, and Pinkie will totally be back next Tuesday to babysit again. Happy endings are easy!
Not one single writer could figure out what to do with
Pinkie Pie in the first two seasons, and Baby Cakes epitomizes this. As soon as she appears onscreen, Pinkie Pie
appears determined to destroy anything she can with unfunny jokes. These continue through loads of slapstick,
which sees Pinkie getting hit with cake and pies to the face, along with
multiple bags of flour dumped on her (“you know what happens when you mix flour
and water, don’t you?”). Pinkie has
never been this insufferable, and her “performance” is bad enough that it would
be hard to argue against her being kicked out of the mane six. Fortunately other writers redeemed Pinkie in
supporting roles, but that doesn’t even seem possible from here.
And although Fullerton seems intent on showing the horrors
of child rearing, her depictions are all over the map regarding what they can
do. Baby horses should be running around
at a month old, so we’re obviously dealing with human timescales (which is fine
since it’s consistent with the series).
But then how are these one-month olds moving around so well? Human babies can barely move for most of
their first year, and the eat everything phase happens later as well. But then we’re supposed to believe that
they’ll forget about being able to do things adults can’t. In the midst of all this (literal) shit.
While previous writers of terrible episodes (Polsky, Morrow)
were given chances to redeem themselves, Fullerton never was. After a story credit was handed off to
Merriwether Williams for the almost as bad Putting Your Hoof Down, Fullerton received
a well-deserved pink slip.
Unfortunately, the only writer to earn a 4½ star rating outside of
Larson from me in the first four seasons turned in trash every other time out
(Look Before You Sleep, A Bird In The Hoof, May The Best Pet Win!), with Baby
Cakes being the topper. Like Lesson Zero
with Twilight, it serves only as a complete destruction of Pinkie’s character,
and apparently we’re supposed to laugh at her embarrassment while sitting
through this torture. Nothing about the
premise was presented well, unless Fullerton’s goal is to end the human
race. And Pinkie Pie isn’t this dumb or
deserving of such treatment.
Baby Cakes is the kind of misstep so egregious that the
higher-ups have no choice but to let you go, and it certainly takes a “special”
episode to stand out amongst all the dreck season two offered. Fullerton failed to not only make any moment
of her final outing watchable, but she couldn’t paint a realistic picture of
caring for children either. And it’s
padded with way too much shameless filler (Pinkie actually checks her watch at
one point, and you’d better believe Pumpkin is putting all three of those
stuffed animals in her mouth before the scene ends). When I find that any memory of Baby Cakes
makes me angry (Pinkie’s attitude, all the crying, the contrived “Pinkie” “Pie”
ending, that fucking genetics story), and it literally failed completely in its
goal, there is little choice but to award a bottom rating. “Oh, no, no, no. Not good, not good, not good.”
No comments:
Post a Comment