My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 614 - The Cart Before The Ponies

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Did I use “oh god” already?  Apparently My Little Pony’s creators pulled an old Ed Valentine script out of the trash (his previous episode aired over 2½ years earlier), but its moral is so obvious and heavy-handed that The Cart Before The Ponies feels like it was written before season one.  Cheerilee announces her class will be participating in the Pinewood Applewood Derby so they can learn about physics.  Nobody does unsurprisingly, as Valentine starts feverishly retconning from there.  Now three awards exist instead of one, the mane six totally did this event when they were young, and everyone dies in a horrific car accident at the end oh never mind, they’re fine.  Valentine’s premise concerns parents who live out failed dreams through their children, but should an episode dealing with this common problem really feel so painful?  Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash ignore their sisters’ (confusing) desires over which prize they want and just build and race the cars themselves.  With no rule stating otherwise, the Crusaders could have just switched partners and been fine, except they never thought about doing so.  Instead, we get the pictured disaster which everyone somehow walks away from unscathed, and a “do-over” that now doesn’t have time to finish.  Every event only occurs in service to Valentine’s moral, since he obviously doesn’t care about anything making sense.  The previously competitive Applejack (Fall Weather Friends, Sisterhooves Social) happily finishes dead last in a rickety buggy?  Sweetie Belle is fine being seen in one too?  Scootaloo has no competitive desire either, and thinks putting a chicken head on her car equals creativity?  And are we really supposed to believe Derpy beat Rarity for “most creative” all those years ago?  Valentine’s script is poorly paced and almost feels written for a completely different series.  None of his choices worked, and the episode rates among My Little Pony’s most difficult to watch.  Even with an important moral, The Cart Before The Ponies cannot be recommended.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 603 - The Gift Of The Maud Pie

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This is an episode review and now I’m going to tell you what I thought.  It's going to be better than the review you were going to write, or whatever you were thinking about saying.  As a fandom, when do we draw the line and say this level of quality isn’t acceptable?  Judging from many early returns, that time is never, and I’d better get used most bronies never caring about quality as long as colorful creatures are doing questionably funny and definitely non-offensive things.  Like many new writers before them (Dusedau, Confalone, Williams), Michael J. P. Fox (bet he hasn’t heard that joke before) and his brother show only a cursory knowledge of the characters and probably hadn’t watched an episode before.  Rarity is scouting locations for her eventual second shop in Manehattan (something which should probably be much harder), and for some reason this coincides with Pinkie’s planned “vacation” day with Maud.  They exchange gifts “every year”, and Pinkie really wants to give her sister a rock pouch for Boulder.  Yep, that’s it for plot, but Mike and Wil (Wheaton, bet he actually hasn’t heard that one) don’t give us much for character moments or insight either.  Their script is unusually high in exposition and retcons, as they literally spell everything out (including the final lesson).  Few others can match their apparent mantra of “tell, not show”.  Maud does receive her first extended concentration since being introduced during season four, and is generally in top form despite everything else.  While having some Pinkie-like abilities seems fun, this also debatably weakens her character slightly.  Despite doing what she can, there was no saving the episode’s poor quality.  Fox and Fox’s dialogue is so exposition heavy that the few ostensibly creative moments (like how Rarity and Pinkie find asides with Maud right there) are undermined, lose believability, and feel like trying too hard.  With awful dialogue, weak characterization (outside of Maud, who apparently can’t be poorly written), and a lesson borrowed from O. Henry’s short story which inspired the episode name, The Gift never reaches satisfactory quality.  My Little Pony’s brother tandem don’t prove themselves as worthy additions, since writing a successful episode seems beyond their limited abilities.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 522 - What About Discord?

 

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Oh god wh…wait I used that one already.  What About Discord? actually starts from a very decent premise about friendship but becomes an utterly painful mess.  Instead of seriously exploring this issue, Neal Dusedau makes his second episode one big in-joke that couldn’t possibly be funny for anyone.  Twilight gets a raging boner for reorganizing her books (again, as Spike points out) over some “long” weekend, but misses out on her friends partying with Discord.  Ever the scientist, Twilight tries recreating their meeting but unsurprisingly fails.  Because we need a twist though, Discord admits he planned the whole thing so he could teach Twilight that it’s okay to be jealous.  Then the mane six make Discord feel like shit too because fuck friendship.  Dusedau flirts with a decent moment for maybe one minute when Twilight admits she hurts despite feeling silly about doing so.  Unfortunately, everything else around this is handled very poorly.  None of the jokes are funny, but the mane six keep laughing while not even trying to sympathize with Twilight.  And Discord continues his cold streak by becoming a dreadful parody who ruins every episode he touches.  Obviously Dusedau wanted a Q Who aesthetic (where Q introduces humanity to the Borg, costing lives), but why Discord teaches this lesson now is never explained.  Instead, What About Discord? acts like a “bad friend” treatise.  We learn nothing about any character (Twilight was similarly confounded and pissed in Feeling Pinkie Keen) except that our ponies can suddenly find Discord hilarious if the plot demands it.  Too much of What About Discord? is painful and dumb to rate any higher despite a small sliver of positive.  Dusedau’s premise elaboration completely failed, and became yet another season five disappointment.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 523 - The Hooffields And McColts

 

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Why.  Why do we need a Ponyville adaptation of the Hatfield and McCoy feud?  The one where they were killing each other and anyone unlucky enough to be around them for decades.  Twilight and Fluttershy finish off the first mini map arc which everyone agrees was underwhelming in some fashion.  For me, Gilda’s surprisingly solid rehabilitation preceded two boring filler episodes where little of consequence happens.  Here, our leads must navigate an unnecessary battle between two Southern stereotype families whose solution is obviously apparent early on.  One family builds things well while the other grows crops, and each is terrible at the other’s skill.  The in-between parts find Twilight wondering why she can’t just ask them to stop fighting and Fluttershy trying to save every animal caught in the crossfire.  While somewhat less painful than season five’s worst episodes, Hooffields doesn’t do much right either.  Twilight (books) and Fluttershy (animals) are again nothing more than caricatures, and the new characters don’t distinguish themselves either.  Then Hooffields’ ending only occurs because animals have apparently squeaked their feud’s origin story down through many generations.  Joanna Lewis and Kristine Songco’s third effort is easily their worst, since they couldn’t make anything from an admittedly terrible premise.  Warring factions won’t usually stop because of innocent casualties (lord knows this story’s real life inspirations certainly didn’t), and there really isn’t a lesson for the kids outside of praying for peace.  With silly betrayals and many head-shaking moments, Hooffields only marked time before the fifth season’s end.  There are far worse episodes, and Hooffields does technically complete an arc, but it still shouldn’t have been made.  Resources would be better spent on perfecting the few decent episodes rather than wasting time on such garbage.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 519 - The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows

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So…what the hell was the point of this episode exactly?  Pinkie Pie learns early on that Cadance and Shining Armor are having a baby, but must keep this secret from Twilight and everyone else so as not to ruin the surprise.  And she does, after much comic “hilarity”.  Was this some sort of comment on social media, the press hounding royalty, or the prevalence of spoilers?  Nope, it was just an excuse to have Pinkie Pie make lots of weird faces and look like she has to piss.  Most of The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows is contrived filler which forces Pinkie to interact with ponies instead of just hiding in her room.  Some of the comedy bits work while others do not, but they can’t compensate for an oddly structured outing where practically nothing happens.  Why Pinkie has such difficulty keeping a boring secret is never addressed, nor does it have any meaning since she never tells anyone.  Considering this very subject was already addressed in Green Isn’t Your Color (with Pinkie as the warner), one wonders why she couldn’t follow her own advice.  G.M. Berrow’s overhyped script turned out to be a complete bust, although she was certainly hamstrung by an absolutely horrid premise.  Nothing could be done with a barely-there plot which apparently only existed for selling toys once the little hell-spawn is finally born early next season.  Not revealing the surprise immediately might have helped, but that’s doubtful since it would have become obvious at some point.  Pinkie Pie Knows needed to be much funnier or at least feature some iconic moments, but it ends up as another “annoying Pinkie Pie” episode which is only passably funny and not enjoyable.  Since the secret could have been tacked onto any other episode, Pinkie Pie Knows is a clear step backward and nothing other than filler.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 622 - P.P.O.V. (Pony Point Of View)

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Didn’t I just complain about the previous episode being dull and pointless?  P.P.O.V. (Ponies’ Pussies Or Vaginas) trots out another Rashomon-style story regarding the above three ponies’ unlikely boat trip, except there doesn’t end up being any point besides filler.  Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack all recount various conflicting versions of how their boat sank while Twilight and Spike figure out what really happened, but the conclusion is profoundly unsatisfying.  The Foxes return for an episode that looks decent and has some fun with each story and their unspoken similar details, although it falls apart upon any reflection.  Wow is that teaser exposition convoluted, and did they really walk to shore after being capsized by a freaking sea monster?  Like Michael Vogel immediately preceding, the Foxes cannot justify why their episode even exists.  The story setup and actual events were more interesting, but instead we hear Rarity et al. make stupid exaggerations while perfect Twilight comes to the rescue.  Literally every series does the Rashomon trope at some point, but P.P.O.V. certainly doesn’t qualify as an interesting version.  The episode actually feels more suited for season one with an obvious moral, the mane six struggling to understand each other, and Starlight being mysteriously absent.  Even if this counts as a better showing for the animators, problematic writing and pacing hurt any chance for P.P.O.V. to be remotely enjoyable.  Every other season six criticism applies here, since these issues all stemmed from the script.  P.P.O.V. is therefore nothing more than poorly-written filler from that part of the season where it usually occurs.  While again not painful like more terrible episodes, P.P.O.V.’s odd feel does little right either and makes for yet another uninspired outing.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 604 - On Your Marks

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On Your Marks is a rare necessary episode that doesn’t feel substantial.  Dave Polsky’s premise could have gone either way, but he chose to populate his script with filler.  Now possessing strange new cutie marks, the Crusaders question both their continued activities and existence.  They ultimately decide on a Radiohead-like compromise between doing their own activities around group ones, but Apple Bloom doesn’t come upon this so easily.  Our least favorite ponies still find time to solve a cutie mark problem while helping another earn his, but neither ends up being very remarkable.  Some problems exist from the Crusaders having gotten their marks in crusading earlier, but Polsky can’t be forgiven for what he came up with.  On Your Marks needed to be better given My Little Pony’s writing situation, which unquestionably makes it disappointing.  Too many scenes are wasted with them not knowing what to do, and that doesn’t make for compelling viewing despite being understandable.  If anything, On Your Marks seems like the series is searching for ideas, but like our protagonists they aren’t finding them.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 515 - Rarity Investigates!

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Nobody ever said reviewing was easy, and this analysis wasn’t going to be either.  I had on my hands an episode with four writing credits, which meant the culprit could be any one of them.  A lovely femme fatale was called upon to investigate a potential crime, but I was left to pick up the pieces.  She knew right where to get me, tugged at all of my strings and used her considerable charm.  Like myself, she was into fashion, sporting some of the best clothes ever seen on My Little Pony.  With a grace and elegance none of her friends could muster, she solved her case in time for dinner, but did this style have any substance?  One of the most colorful television shows finally produced long stretches of gorgeous black and white, but was that enough for a good rating?  Only I could decide.  It was a lonely road, but one I chose long ago.  I know why I did, and what I had to do now.  Maybe I’d lose some friends, or alienate the public again, but none of that mattered.  It was just me, my typewriter, and the truth.  And I’ll be damned if I was ever going to betray any of those for anyone.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Season 5 Top And Bottom 5

Season five was essentially chopped into two halves because of horrendous scheduling by Discovery Family, and whether coincidental or not it fell into this grouping.  The first marked M.A. Larson’s story editor debut, and (aside from two missteps) featured surprisingly strong efforts which often explored dissatisfaction with cutie marks.  Many were offbeat and experimental, but despite public opinion, this was My Little Pony’s best 13-episode stretch so far.  That includes Larson’s own contributions, which explored many fan-developed background characters who are no less worthy of screen time than the main ones.  The second part belonged to Meghan McCarthy, and was unsurprisingly high on events (Crusaders getting their marks, Cadance pregnant, two holidays and two map episodes, plus a near space-time continuum unraveling) but low on quality.  No exploration of any first half themes was attempted, and characterization (with one notable exception) stayed at a bare minimum.  These episodes make up the biggest “meh” stretch of any season and almost all of them are largely disappointing.  After missing season four, Larson again demonstrated his status as My Little Pony’s best writer.  He saved McCarthy’s convoluted opener and penned his two strongest scripts which celebrated series history while still pushing it forward.  Dave Polsky joined him with two unappreciated and underrated character episodes that looked at two equally misunderstood ponies and treated them humanely.  No one else remotely had a good year, whether the writers were returning (Amy Keating Rogers, Cindy Morrow, Natasha Levinger (ugh), and sadly Noelle Benvenuti) or newly added (only Joanna Lewis and Kristine Songco created passable work; the others all deserve pink slips).  This produced a very frustrating season which showed plenty of early promise before flaming out in rather boring fashion.  After such a sustained horrid stretch, My Little Pony appears to be in peril, having exhausted both good ideas and writers.  Season five’s overall feel therefore remains negative, but its best moments cannot be forgotten and are unquestionably series high points.

My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 517 - Brotherhooves Social

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Alright, take three.  I detest completely rewriting anything (twice, no less), but Brotherhooves Social left me little choice.  Essentially, I got the episode correctly at first but second-guessed myself out of fear I was seeing what I wanted rather than what actually existed.  Perusing various Twitter feeds showed that this wasn’t the case.  While cleaning up a loose thread from Made In Manehattan, Brotherhooves Social provides Big Mac’s biggest character development in definitively showing he’s trans.  This may seem unlikely, but it makes sense given his earlier princess dream and quiet loner demeanor.  Since Applejack and Rarity are busy, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle have no escorts for the Sisterhooves Social.  Big Mac decides to step up and help his younger sister out, but he goes as “cousin Orchard Blossom”, a flamboyant and loquacious Southern belle.  They are accepted into the event because “sister” is loosely defined, but every activity unfortunately goes poorly.  Dave Polsky hits many aspects of being trans, including unwanted awkwardness in appearance, dealing with people who quickly dismiss you, those who know but don’t care, and some who inexplicably find you attractive, and a large apparent disconnect between “personas”.  This insight grounds what appears to be another drag comedy at first, but most definitely isn’t on subsequent viewings.  The episode remains polarizing since it treads a thin line here, but certain scenes’ effectiveness cannot be denied (especially Big Mac and Apple Bloom’s concluding dialogue).  While probably not the best way, Brotherhooves Social feels like a landmark in how it presents trans issues to kids without overtly doing so.  And it improves dramatically on season two’s Sisterhooves by better reflecting the sibling dynamic.  Polsky’s script is too tropey for its subject, but Brotherhooves represents an unexpectedly bold statement from a season with very few of them.