My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 520 - Hearthbreakers

Rating:

Hearthbreakers should have been a great episode.  The Apples are inexplicably invited to spend Hearth’s Warming Eve with Pinkie Pie’s family (apparently because of the tenuous and likely nonexistent connection explored in Pinkie Apple Pie), and we finally meet her sisters and parents.  There are still many fine moments (which will be enough for most people), but the episode is so poorly written by Nick Confalone that I can’t justify any higher rating.  Between the Pie family’s questionable characterization, Pinkie and Applejack speaking extended sentences in unison (…twice), average at best dialogue (why do Pinkie and her sisters call each other by their full names?), and a very obvious second act conflict, Hearthbreakers was severely hindered by its writing.  Not helping matters is the show counting as a sequel to Hearth’s Warming Eve (by fellow terrible writer Merriwether Williams), and Confalone wastes time summarizing this earlier effort when it’s otherwise completely irrelevant.  Realizing that every family celebrates the holidays slightly differently almost counts as thoughtful, but all of these traditions were invented just for the episode and aren’t mentioned elsewhere.  Because of this, an artificial sense pervades Hearthbreakers, which feels contrived and constructed instead of organic.  We should enjoy spending time with the Pie family, but only get glimpses of how cool Maud is, the depths Pinkie’s twin(!) sister Marble hides, and Pinkie’s experience growing up among family members with completely different personalities.  Confalone apparently never comprehended these missed opportunities, which makes Hearthbreakers a tantalizing tease that still needs improvement.  Even with some enjoyable parts, it doesn’t come close to being satisfying.

Twilight doesn’t really need to be in this episode, but why do we have teasers if not for filler?  Confalone does introduce his different holiday traditions concept here, but it’s not really worthwhile since Applejack basically insults Spike for wanting to open presents early.  Then Confalone squashes whatever positive this might have been by having Twilight spout a cliché (“to each their own”) before giving Spike his present: a book. Hilarious.

Maud meets Pinkie and the Apples after their pain and filler-filled train ride.  Once she finishes playing Sherlock Holmes, Maud leads everyone back to their rock farm where they meet Pinkie’s entire family.  As would be expected, none of them are remotely like Pinkie despite widely disparate personalities.  Her parents (Igneous Rock and Claudia Quartz) are Quakers (speaking with “thous” and “shalts”), because they look like it I guess.  Limestone Pie announces she runs the farm and makes many bossy demands, but Pinkie quickly appeases her before anything worse occurs.  Marble Pie is very shy and often hides while only saying “mmhmm”.  Pinkie apparently voices Marble’s thoughts, or has just forced extreme introversion on her twin sister by never shutting up.

The Apples are expecting some sort of food for dinner (can’t imagine why), but boy are they about to be disappointed.  Stone Rock Soup is served, but the Pies forgot that soup usually has something in it besides a freaking boulder.  Applejack suffers through this disease-infected brew, but her family (presumably) smartly passes.  Every other tradition celebrated by the Pies appears equally strangely, including carving Hearth’s Warming dolls, a lengthy rock search in teams to determine who will raise the flag, and hiding presents.  By the end of this bullshit, Applejack has enough and decides to inject some actual Christmas spirit.

Which of course goes extremely poorly.  Every decoration and present gets viewed as the devil’s work, and Applejack somehow plants her candy cane pole “on a fault line” (that’s totally how those things work, right?).  This causes a well-timed mini earthquake which dumps Limestone’s prized Holder’s Boulder into the gorge below and earns the Applejack’s family one-way tickets back to Ponyville.

Granny Smith spends their trip researching Holder’s Boulder, and a hidden present smacks Applejack on her head.  Suddenly, she understands all of Pinkie’s dumb traditions and orders the train immediately stopped (apparently celebrities can do that).  Upon returning to Pinkie’s farm (somehow), they help push Holder’s Boulder out of the gorge (“I think we just invented our first combined tradition” Pinkie says stupidly, because they’ll totally shove this gigantic important rock down and do manual labor every fucking year).  Applejack’s convincing speech beforehand makes everyone friends again, and they all listen to Maud read poetry sing carols (no, I was right the first time) about rocks.  Because she likes rocks, get it?  They’re all about rocks.

Only a few characters stick out, but none were explored enough.  Maud is fantastic as always, except she only has a few lines and doesn’t do much.  Any perspective from her would have been welcome, but she lets everything play out without any opinions.  The fault line thing was asinine, and her concluding “carols” just reprise Maud Pie’s similar scene with Twilight.  That means Confalone settles for a stolen and lazy ending instead of anything original.  Having Maud and Apple Bloom possibly become buddies might be interesting, but their silly conversation about turning into things wouldn’t have produced a friendship.

Marble Pie appears equally intriguing but gets even less development.  She’s lived in the shadow of sisters who are more loquacious, ambitious, or both, but we learn nothing about how she takes this.  Instead, Marble only mumbles “mmhmm” while quietly following along with every activity.  This makes her a cross between Big Mac and Fluttershy, although parking Big Mac next to her highlights how unoriginal Marble seems.  Obviously these two wouldn’t be comfortable around each other right away, but that doesn’t make for compelling viewing since we can’t see their thoughts.  They’re probably too similar for any sort of relationship, so pointlessly suggesting one perfectly encapsulates Hearthbreakers’ flaws.

Limestone feels frustrating in the opposite way, since she’s loud and obnoxious but Confalone never explains her possessiveness of their farm.  We don’t really need a gratuitous “I’m in charge” when they’re pushing the boulder, but this addition highlights Limestone’s over-the-top portrayal.  Some depth no doubt exists for her, but Confalone couldn’t find it.

Pinkie’s parents receive lengthy names, but are then subsequently referred to as Ma and Pa out of presumable laziness.  Like Marble, they are barely developed and only act like stern authority figures who must have adopted their children.  Having Igneous use Pinkie’s full name again rips off his first appearance, and their way of talking doesn’t make much sense.  Ironically, Granny Smith has never been better.  Her dialogue sparkles (she nicknames Pinkie’s parents Iggy and Big Mama Q), and she shows a sense of fun and insight which is usually absent from her character.  Sure, wishing for an “apple farming hunk” might be slightly creepy, but it also shows Granny hasn’t given up at her advanced age either.  Instead of a senile joke, she feels vibrant and alive.  This is how Granny should be written, and that Confalone does so around otherwise poor and unfinished characterization remains astonishing.

But it doesn’t make up for everything else.  Confalone’s script is weak and obviously structured, and there are too many poor moments (did we really need the third act sobfest between Applejack and Pinkie Pie where they again speak in unison?).  Hearthbreakers was beyond Confalone’s means as a writer, and that shows just about everywhere.  The characters, plot, traditions, and events all could have been done better.  Also not helping was airing this Christmas episode in October before the Halloween episode, but Confalone can’t be blamed for such poor scheduling (although not as awful as next season’s).  Justifying Merriwether Williams’ alternate world abomination absolutely can though.  Even with some positives, Hearthbreakers must be recognized as a large and unsatisfying mess.  What Confalone produced just wasn’t good enough.