My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episode 607 - Newbie Dash

Rating:

So apparently pilot training/flight school is actually like this, where everyone’s first day goes terribly, too many new recruits just want to show off, and you absolutely will get stuck with a terrible call name.  While such trivia proves interesting, seeing these events in action does not.  Dave Rapp’s first script freely retcons or contrives whatever he needs to hurt and embarrass the usual mane six member.  Doing so was unfortunately typical of season two, so Newbie Dash marked one more step backwards.  Some effort was made to justify Twilight becoming a princess or the Crusaders earning their marks before, but we don’t have time for that so fuck it.  Rainbow Dash is a Wonderbolt now, because some guy we’ve never seen before totally “retired”.  Training for their upcoming show goes terribly though, especially when everyone starts calling her Rainbow Crash again.  When not using this premise to dump trash on Dash or otherwise inflict bodily harm, Rapp populates his script with questionable sequences which have little point but killing time (Dash imitates her five friends and Pinkie Pie wants bigger cotton candy).    He also has Dash walk across the runway (while we watch another Wonderbolt fly over it), so that she can almost get hit and fall into a conveniently placed trash can.  Good luck trying to find Dash walking anywhere else when she’s not injured.  Even though Rapp gives Pinkie one decent line (“at least they didn’t call you Rainbow Trash”), Newbie Dash feels too painful for a passing grade.  It never feels like an actual episode, going from needless slapstick comedy to a final lesson of being “okay with fitting in”.  What theoretically should have been Dash’s huge celebration ends up being more character regression.  Every complaint I’ve made before fits Newbie Dash, since it isn’t remotely acceptable for a series this far into production.

Not sure which is more surprising about the teaser: Rapp bringing back The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well’s Rainbow Dash fan club or Dash calling Scootaloo by her given name.  These are definitely more shocking than what happens next.  Overhearing Dash declaring she won’t be flying in the upcoming show despite wearing a “reservist” uniform, Spitfire swoops down with her companions to announce yeah, of course she will.  Omg it’s so awesome!!!!  (Oh god, that face…)

 

Actual dialogue.

They've created worse.

Wing balm totally exists.  After some stereotypical support from the mane six, Dash arrives on her first day and learns rule #1 is look both ways before crossing the runway (don’t try that at home, kids).  Are there actual planes landing?  Nope, and Rapp lengthily establishes that no other Wonderbolts are currently present.  What possible reason could this be brought up for?  Is it because next time Dash will traverse the runway without looking and almost get hit?  Nah.

So naturally that happens, and Dash somehow finds her way into a trash can magically lying near the runway.  Hmm?  You’ve never seen a garbage can on this show before and there’s no reason one would be located where it is except for Dash to embarrass herself?  And I thought I was cynical.  Rapp isn’t done though.  After another Wonderbolt uncreatively dubs her Rainbow Crash again, she experiences a PTSD flashback to flight school.  While those “bullies” called Dash that as early as Sonic Rainboom, they never did mention why, so Rapp took some creative license.  Or I should say “creative”, because she bounces around before landing in the same friggin’ garbage can and receiving her nickname.  That’s totally how it happened and definitely a good use of episode time.  Make sure the Wonderbolts repeat their first rule too because it’s really important.

Instead of brushing this off or explaining how “Crash” is triggering, Dash turns passive-aggressive because there wouldn’t be a show otherwise.  After trying to blame her near-accident on the other Wonderbolts, Dash desperately attempts to fit in and show off while struggling mightily with every flying routine.  This initially involves emulating every other mane six member in turn after she misinterprets Twilight’s suggestion.  While Ashleigh Ball does have to do Rainbow Dash impersonating Applejack here, she sounds too obviously like her by the end and never approaches anyone else.  Rapp’s “fun” joke just became a revealing error and pointless filler.

Still futilely trying to shed her increasingly appropriate nickname, Dash decides sabotaging the show itself will definitely help.  She enlists Scootaloo for a scheme which couldn’t possibly do anything other than what happens.  Amazingly, their performance goes well and Dash has no trouble staying in formation.  But instead of celebrating her first success, Dash follows through and flies toward the raincloud Scootaloo reluctantly kicked over.  For some reason, she freaks out about an “unexpected” lightning bolt from this cloud and falls into another long slapstick crash in front of everyone.

After being patched up from probably fatal injuries, Dash rightly assumes this stunt will result in her getting kicked off the Wonderbolts.  They’ve seen such bullshit before apparently, and she will be let off with probationary cleaning duty.  While sounding supportive, they make it seem like Dash’s celebrity partially explains her slap on the wrist.  Spitfire also finally informs Dash that everyone has a nickname they hate based on something stupid from their first day, and it was never personal.  Once again, mentioning this important information earlier would have resulted in an episode not existing.  Sure, Dash gets stuck mopping up now, but that’s the cost of fitting in, or something.

Dash is pretty much the only focus here concerning characterization, and she clearly plays the idiot card in Spike’s place after his decent Gauntlet Of Fire showing.  As has sadly happened before, Dash is again self-obsessed with much bravado and little intelligence.  No one would think Twilight meant she should act like her other friends to better fit in with the Wonderbolts, nor would that ever make any sense.  We also miss out on seeing Dash make progress, because she’s awful in practice but suddenly great during the show.  And her final lesson involves learning she should be less like herself and more like an imaginary perfect Wonderbolt.  Cindy Morrow (of all people) proved an effective episode can be made with Dash at the center, but Rapp only highlights everything bad about her character while using his script as an excuse for torture.  This wasn’t acceptable when the writers did it frequently in season two, and making these episodes cannot be excused.

Despite many new Wonderbolts and every mane six member and Crusader making appearances, nobody else leaves any impression.  Pinkie Pie does stand out negatively when she constantly demands her cotton candy be made “bigger” to Spike’s chagrin and despite the air show having already started.  It even pushes past the hut’s boundaries, but silly Pinkie just wants more.  What’s that again?  That isn’t how cotton candy works?  Well, why would Rapp write this then?  The reason quickly becomes obvious: so Dash can crash into it and end up covered in sticky cotton candy (“that’s still not how…” I heard you the first time).

Spitfire’s drill sergeant persona works well enough here, because she likewise can’t understand the crap going on around her and blatantly says so.  She also bears responsibility for not telling Dash about pilot nicknames earlier, but obviously that’s really Rapp’s fault.  The other Wonderbolts really think “Rainbow Crash” is hilarious, so they clearly didn’t watch the episode it appeared in five years earlier.  They only come off like smug assholes, which is probably better than the Crusaders shouting in unison again.

Unlike most new writers, Rapp clearly watched some earlier episodes before writing his script, although not enough to realize he basically aped a season two outing.  Newbie Dash contains significant flaws in characterization and plot, which produces more pain than should exist.  Considering the hate for Rainbow Dash and an inexplicably special-needs Pinkie Pie, Rapp announces himself as the second coming of Merriwether Williams (unless “Rapp” is her pen name).  Either way, Newbie Dash doesn’t count as a real episode.  Bad characterization and poor choices sink it, especially since Dash’s big moment deserved much better.  How Newbie Dash could be part of the same series which made so many enjoyable and decent episodes remains unfathomable.