My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic: Episodes 301-302 - The Crystal Empire

 

Rating:

Winter is coming to Ponyville.  The season three opener finds Twilight forced to take the black and head to the wall, but fortunately (or perhaps unfortu­nately) the Game Of Thrones references end there.  Instead of wildlings, the legendary and certainly not hastily retconned Crystal Em­pire has reappeared, more or less intact after it disappeared a thousand years ago (according to the flashback, apparently before Celestia sent Luna to the moooooooon!).  These Brigadoon ponies are suffering from…amnesia after the past millennium passed overnight to them, and restoring their spirit so that they might protect Equestria from the evil King Sombra (even though nobody had heard of any of these characters before (including Twilight, who says as much)) is really important seriously.  Since pretty much no one else was critical of the season two finale also penned by Me­gan McCarthy, it’s unsurprising that she learned nothing from the over­rated and mediocre two-parter.  Most of the problems in that episode are present here as well, which includes a number of “that was easy” plot mo­ments, unnecessary below-average Broadway songs, slightly suspect characteri­zation, and Shining Armor referring to his sister as “Twilie” no less than three times.  Despite these issues, I ac­tually enjoyed this two-parter better than the last one, if only because the story felt more suited for the time allotted.  There are still a lot of problems with the episode, especially from a logical standpoint, and this is definitely the least of the first four season-openers.  Fortunately, the focus is on the mane six instead of the unwanted previously retconned couple (who were thankfully otherwise occupied for most of the show), which helps the overall spirit.
 

Most of the disappointment in The Crystal Empire is due to some admittedly strange choices of focus and characterization, even if some of these worked out.  Luna makes her second straight appearance early on, but she is quickly told by her sister that there is noth­ing for her to do in this episode even though she’s clearly a better choice than a young and relatively untested pony with the fate of the world once again in the balance.  Understandably unhappy, Luna stalks off, gives Twilight the evil eye while she walks past, and pretty much only glares at her after that.  As in A Canterlot Wedding, this is only a token appearance that is far removed from her starring role in Luna Eclipsed.  She almost might as well not even be in the episode if this is how McCarthy treats her, but at least Luna's reaction to the news that she will “not-be-appearing-in-this-episode” is worth it.

No doubt the bigger disappointment is King Sombra, who was expected to join and at least come close to equaling his fellow unholy trinity members Discord and Chrysalis.  McCarthy decided instead to treat him exactly like the Lord Of The Rings’ Sauron, which means the ponies spend more time fearing what he will do than anything he actually ends up accomplishing.  While technically integral to the plot, Sombra remains on the sidelines for the duration, and never ends up having any interaction with anyone onscreen until the very end.  We didn’t even get a creepy eye or a bitching dark language, although he does hiss a bit when not mumbling.

Even if the relative absence of an “evil” character doesn’t bother me as much as it would some people, this is now two retconned big bad­dies and previously unknown pony civilizations in as many episodes, and it’s debatable whether either of them will ever make an appearance again.  Why we needed another “empire” with an evil leader no one has ever heard of is not entirely clear, and one of many reasons why McCarthy has not met Larson’s level of epicness to which she clearly aspires.  Certainly the changelings and wherever they live now wouldn’t have been appropriate for this story, but the whole concept is awfully similar to the pre­vious episode without really expanding on it that much.  The Crystal Po­nies have the benefit of looking pretty when they’re in good spirits, but otherwise don’t appear to have anything else to distinguish them (including that they sound pretty normal for being 1000 years removed from civiliza­tion, unlike Luna).  It is a shame that we won’t get to see the mane six in their crystal forms again, as Rarity quite accurately suspected that she (along with the rest of the mane six) would look fantastic as such.

Once again, McCarthy pulls out a host of “that was easy” moments to keep the plot moving, which feels like a cop out instead of having events move in a natural progression.  In retrospect, this begins with the initial ap­proach to the Crystal Empire, which instead of a perilous weeklong trek is now fortunately just a train ride away.  The conditions are quite inhospitable, but Rarity’s one scarf is all the clothing the mane six need (sadly her others are lost on the way).  Not even Fluttershy cares about how freezing it is, and getting into the empire just takes a bit of running.

Things only get worse from there easywise.  The interrogation of the townsfolk goes poorly, but then Applejack mentions that someone told her about the library.  That was fortunate.  Of course, the librarian is just as forget­ful, and can’t remember any specific book or even if she works there.  With card catalogs not invented yet, the mane six are forced to look through every book, but Twilight finds the perfect tome after a bit by happenstance.  It describes that a Crystal Fair must be created to restore the po­nies’ spirit.  With nothing in the way of supplies or any experience in build­ing or running a fair, the mane six just montage it and are ready to go in about a minute.  Of course, potential disaster almost strikes when it’s discovered that the Crystal Heart is an actual relic that helps focus the ponies’ power as opposed to the hastily carved thing that Twilight made.  Meanwhile, Cadance passes out from her 24/7 spell that is currently protecting the empire.  This quickly assembled cliffhanger (which once again lasts a mere commercial break) is over Mission: Impossible-quickly once the show returns.  A small jostle from Shining Armor awakens Cadance, and she resumes the spell with little problem.  That was easy.

Twilight must still track down the heart, which could be anywhere, but she just intuits with little explanation that it must be in the castle.  The reason­ing makes some sense, but why she would just come up with it out of nowhere doesn’t.  Searching the castle with Spike (marking another epi­sode that follows the rule of someone tagging along solely for the main charac­ter to have a buddy to talk to (along with possibly saving their life later on)), Twilight again gets a eureka-moment with no provocation.  At least this time is given some sort of explanation, as Twilight recognizes that the crystal on top of the throne looks similar to the one in the demonstra­tion Celestia gave her earlier, but how these two fit together doesn’t really make sense unless Celestia already knows where the heart is and is delibe­rately holding back information vital to the safety of every pony in Eques­tria solely to teach her student a lesson.  Trollestia indeed.

Twilight then casts a spell toward this crystal, which reveals a stairway that descends into the depths of the castle.  What spell was that?  Oh, some­thing Celestia taught her that one time.  What time was that, and what was the occasion?  Sadly, Spike doesn’t press farther, which would have revealed how flawed that explanation is.  So apparently Celestia knows where the heart is but neglected to tell Twilight so that she would have to figure it out on her own, but then taught her a dark crystal revealing spell at some time before this whole episode started, which was before Celestia even knew the Crystal Empire had any chance of returning.  While she did this though, she didn’t tell Twilight what it was for, since Twilight had no know­ledge of the Crystal Empire when Celestia mentioned it earlier on.  So not only does Celestia undermine her own silly and dangerous lesson by teaching Twilight a spell that could only possibly be used to achieve the goal the latter is supposed to accomplish by herself, but it creates a plot hole in that Twilight should’ve known about the Crystal Empire before (she did know about the similarly aged Nightmare Moon after all).  Unless Celestia only acted surprised when informed about the empire’s return since she is the one behind it, and willingly put her whole kingdom at risk while tortur­ing her “niece” by forcing Cadance to cast an endless spell solely to teach Twilight a lesson that she then didn’t teach by giving her student the answer al­ready.  This is the kind of head-scratching logic that plagues McCarthy’s work and keeps her from being among the show’s best writers.  How she was named “head” writer is equally unfathomable.

So Twilight finds a door at the bottom of this long stairwell, but it’s en­chanted and won’t stop moving around.  Fortunately, Twilight just casts that difficult (but apparently not too difficult) crystal spell, and the door opens up.  She suddenly finds herself back in Canterlot, as Celestia informs Twilight that she failed the test.  As fun as it is to see Celestia show her “true colors”, this sadly can’t be real.  Fortunately Spike decided to tag along, since he snaps Twilight out of this vision after deciding to brave the stairwell himself.  He also experiences an unpleasant vision, which leads Twi­light to realize that the door shows you your worst fear.  Fortunately (again), Twilight just casts another spell that leads her to the room she’s look­ing for.  This is another endless stairwell that leads up instead of down, but fortunately (yet again) Twilight studied gravity spells, so she just re­verses the gravitational constant (that’s easy, right?) and slides to the top along the bottom of the stairs.  John de Lancie would be proud of this as ei­ther Q or Discord, but any physics major is still shaking their head.  It turns out that the Crystal Heart was just at the top of the palace, and could have been easily accessed by Rainbow Dash flying up there.  But that would have deprived us of a good chunk of the second episode, which is why Twilight made sure that Dash stayed on the ground futilely trying to entertain the Crystal Ponies instead.

Like Hurricane Fluttershy, the rest of the show ends up being an unwit­ting commentary on workplace dynamics.  Twilight was specifically told that she had to save the day herself, but her approach to the heart triggers an alarm that causes Sombra to trap her away from it.  As a diehard Daring Do fan, Twilight should really know better, so at least she decries her stupid­ity at just trying to go up and take the MacGuffin.  With the heart now on the floor next to Spike, there is really only one solution, but this would violate Celestia’s decree that Twilight do the job herself.  Fortu­nately, Twilight learns a good lesson about supervising: you order your underl­ings to do a job you don’t want/aren’t able to do, and then you get credit for doing it.  Which is exactly what happens.  Spike brings the heart down from the tower (after Shining Armor throws Cadance to save him from the fall, and yes, that actually happens), and after the Crystal Ponies quickly defeat Sombra, Celestia informs Twilight that she passed the test af­ter all.  It was the right call to make for Twilight, and it is nice to see some­one not do something based on their ego, although it's uncertain if this was really the lesson Celestia wanted to teach Twilight.  She does receive some “punishment” though.  In a nice touch, the stained glass window that now depicts this life-saving event shows Spike and Cadance, but Twilight is completely omitted.  At least she was already immortalized for those other times she saved the world, like in the window two spaces over.

With less songs and mildly less retconning (mostly thanks to Shining Armor and Cadance now officially existing despite my desires), The Crystal Em­pire is a more enjoyable experience than A Canterlot Wedding, but the plot problems still plague it heavily.  At least the story felt better suited for two episodes, even if what McCarthy decided to spend time on is suspect.  The balance between Twilight searching for the Crystal Heart and the comic relief of the rest of the mane six entertaining the town was probably right, but most of the first episode was just setup with surprisingly little be­ing accomplished.  While I may not have minded as much that Sombra was clearly shortchanged here, one wonders why he was even introduced at all if this is the part he had.  It’s hard to be scared of a guy we’ve never seen do anything good or bad before, and his biggest sin in his debut is just lurking.  I’m not sure how many times we need to see the villain shout “no” before being vanquished by a beam of light, but this has to be the fourth time now.  Without any buildup or character development, there's no way to care or feel a sense of accomplishment when Sombra is escorted from the series.  And really, the feeling that The Crystal Empire is something of a giant rehash (especially following A Canterlot Wedding chronologically) pervades the entire episode.  This doesn’t necessarily hurt its enjoyability, but it doesn’t make the offering feel substantial either.